Life Goes On.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost

I suck at saying goodbye. As we drove down the long stretch of highway from Redding to Sacramento, I realized that she's really gone. The sunset was beautiful tonight. After the sun fell behind the hills, the colors of the evening sky began to blend in their most complicated and beautiful way. I tried naming the colors I saw, and realized nothing from a Crayola box could suffice. I was awestruck. I could have stared at the perfect landscape just out my window for hours and it wouldn't have been enough. It didn't feel real to me, but her death did. Out the window on the other side of the car, the sky was much darker. It was a mix of deep blue, grey, and purple. The road curved, and suddenly we were driving into the darkness. The lovely sunset was being overtaken by the daunting night, and so was I. It was time to face reality. All the sadness, all the goodbyes, and all the I love yous hit me at the same. "I'm proud of you," he said. And he said he meant it. And that meant a lot to me. And then he said "Goodbye." Not "See you later," it was "Goodbye." It felt like a "I hope I can see you in the future because you're family but now that she's dead I probably won't get to see you so have a nice life."

I glanced at the Bible sitting beside me, dedicated 70 years ago to my deceased Great Uncle, whom I love dearly. I also looked at the picture next to me, my Great-Grandfather in the year 1906, he was 5 years old when the picture was taken. I never got to meet him, but he's part of the reason I'm alive. I realized how much I missed my deceased family, but then a thought hit me. They never really left. My family is the boxes of pictures and old keepsakes. My family is the blood that rushes through my veins. My family is the stories of the good times, and the bad. My family is the pictures of tombstones from all across the country. My family is here, even if I can't hold them and tell them I love them anymore. Even if I can't listen to the music of their laughter or gaze upon their similar faces. My family is too strong to be torn apart by something as meaningless as death. Love is stronger than that.

Tomorrow, the sun will rise. I will wake up, drink my coffee, and go on to my next adventure. Tomorrow is a new day. I will live tomorrow. My family will be with me tomorrow. They will always be with me, in the darkness and in the light.