Vulnerable.

I spent a long time talking with my best friend today. She told me that I was "tough", which I almost laughed at because I don't think I'm tough at all. It did make me realize that I subconsciously put up a hard exterior, and it makes me... unapproachable? I guess that's the word for it. The thought saddened me a lot.

My heart was hardened a lot when I was younger. Loosing a lot of family members as a child caused me to grow up faster than any child should. Softball also contributed to it. I learned very quickly that there is no whining in softball, and it toughened me up a lot. I learned how to suck things up and deal with them. 

I've spent a long time praying for my hardened heart to be softened. I believe it has been, but I guess I don't show it very well. So I'm going to try.

Here's the truth:

I'm extremely vulnerable. When I care about something/someone, I care deeply. To the pits of my soul deep.  I hate seeing other people in pain, and I'm too empathetic for my own good. I get nervous easily, and when I'm around people that I admire but don't that know well I get quiet and shy, because I'm scared of not being liked. I hate approaching people first, because I'm scared of being rejected. I usually only open up to a select few people, because I feel that people will reject me. Let's just say if I open up to you, you should feel pretty darn special. And as I said before, I care deeply, and therefore I feel pain deeply.

I'm not as tough as you may think. And I hope I don't seem unapproachable. I'm actually a very approachable person. I like most people that I meet.

I think I wrote this because I wanted to let everyone that's reading this know that they can come to me with anything. If you need or want something, I will be there for you in any way that I possibly can. I'm only a phone call, text message, or Facebook message away. I'm here. It's simple.